SOOOO TIREDD! :((

I'm so tired.. it's monday morning 10.30 AM in my office desk and all i want to do is go home and take a nap. i don't have a lot of work to do.. only little of this and little of that so probably that also contribute to my tiredness ( is tiredness even a word?? lol ) well, i've got some work thing schedule on wednesday so i've got something to write on my kate spade.. yeeyy!!
hmmm speaking about kate spade..funny story..according to me funny but for my boyfriend it's a sad sad story :p .. we celebrate our second anniversary this month. we like to exchange gifts, not a necessary habit but a fun one! and this time we decided to tell each other what kind of a gift it's going to be, it didn't exactly tell you what the present will look like so it's fun for us.. ..no harm right?? :p
That sweet boyfriend of mine tell me what he's going to buy..an organizer for a fresh start in my new office. and i said to him "that is such a good idea hun" so after he plant that image of a new organizer which i never think of to buy before.. i started to look for one :p i know i know it's not good cause he already told me he's going to buy one for me but i can't help it and then that thing happen.. that thing where i fell in love with a kate spade organizers which cost a zillion lol i know i cannot afford it and i seriouslly not going to ask my boyfriend for something that expensive but my mom tell me i should buy it cause she think it worth every penny.. well, i decided to wait and then in a blink of an eye i got that organizers!! well it's not a blink of an eye heheh my mom went to hongkong last week and she gave me that kate spade organizers!! not the one i originaly want but better!! so it all work out for me and everything, but my boyfriend have to look for another gift.. so sorry sweety..but it still three whole weeks till our day, you can just think of a better idea but don't tell me.. i might ruin it for you again :p
you were so nice when i told you my mom buy me that kate spade organizer that i whine and whine and whine for a whole week hehehehe and you just said that you're so happy for me even when i saw you glaring full of hatred to my new organizers lol =)) I Love You Sweety :p hope you find that new idea!!
good God i wrote a horribly boring story and i freakin don't care cause i wanna go homee!!!! i want to go to sleep in my bed :((

It's 1 PM , 4 more hours!!

tired,

gerbera_iris

A very Old Story Chapter II

well after that slow-motion-at-the-sidang thing, nothing much really happened between me and him..i sense that is not a big deal and so it doesnt cross my mind again until after he became my boyfriend and that's a different story :p
we still chat even if we don't meet anymore and i still tell him everything mostly about my relationship..he help me a lot..and i tell him so many secrets about my relationship that we have our own secret code when we chat, not a bunch of code word but just what will he says when he's in front of the computer.. i don't wanna tell all of my secret to somebody who pretended to be him using his computer and ID. that will be just creepy.
As time went on, i started to depend on him too much as a friend. i go to him from the smallest problem possible to the biggest one.. if I'm not remembering wrong once or twice i tried to keep my distance from him either before we graduated or after we graduated.. before we graduate, it's much more simple to keep a distance cause we didn't chat every single day or night :p and I'm occupied with my own relationship anyway. but after graduation, while in skripsi to be exact, its just impossible not to tell him everything..not to ask for his opinions or not to blabber about my problem to him cause i had to many problems with my relationship at that time. the reason i tried to keep a distance was because that my (ex) boyfriend doesn't really like me hanging too close to him. i can understand at that time, i have a boyfriend but I'm more relax with my best friend. sometimes in my mind, that me and him are friends (or best friends or whatever) so it's normal to be relax right?
case in point, i do have a guy friend now.. although not as close like me and him then,but i still feel the same relax like i use to feel with him.
Anyway, I'm glad i didn't tried too hard to keep my distance cause the storm that coming ahead in my relationship ( that's too dramatic lol ). after graduation, i started to work and that kinda cause a strain in my relationship with my (ex) boyfriend. i'm too busy in work and i neglected my (ex) boyfriend but he also sometimes put soo much preassure on me.. well it's two way mistake. so when he finally ask for a break, i said yes. and ofcourse who else i turn into besides my future boyfriend.. i tell him every single detail, he just listened and give some comment now and then. but when i asked should i ended my relationship with my (ex) boyfriend, he never give me an ansewer. he always said that this is my decision and he don't want to make this decision for me. as for me, i already know what my decision even without asking him.. i break up with my (ex) boyfriend .. and when i tell him, he just said that as long as i made the decision all by myself, he would support me. but he also said that i will get back together with my ex in about 1 or 2 month ( he soo doesn't have faith in me as his best friend lol).
my ex and i spent 3.5 years together, breaking up is hard but for me it's just hard the first 3 weeks,part of it maybe because i still in contact with my ex. as time goes buy, i learn to love being single..having so many close guy friends and just being free apparently suites me..even if i'm only single for 3 months or so :p
at "my single days" i learned to develop to a bunch of new crush..man crush hehehehe there's my coworkers (yes not just one coworker hahaha), then this guy in australia, and of course there's this some guy who i like to call my best friend ;) i don't know when..probably around january, one or two month after i broke up with my ex, i suddenly realize.. "i think i have a little crush to my best friend" and it became "i think i really like my best friend" until in the end it became "i know i really really have a huge feeling for my best friend" oh i tell this crush to one of my other close friend from college. i think this is when i kinda stop looking at him as just my best friend, i started to consider him as a boyfriend even if i know all his flaws and he know all my darkest secrets and even when i know at that time that me and him as a couple is an impossibilty ( that's for chapter III hehehehehe)
and that saga of bestfriends - not dating bestfriends - jealousy - hiding feeling - denial - started.. and just like Katharine mcphee said

It's a typical love story
Started out as friends
We met way back when
This is just a typical love story
The boy you never wanted just steals your heart
I never saw it comin' till I fell so hard

I always made up some excuse
Saying you that weren't my type
Didn't want to face the truth
Didn't want to cross that line

'Til one day I saw you
Out of the corner of my eye
You were flirting with some girl
And inside I thought I would die
-Love Story

i didn't blame my ex to think that i already like my boyfriend before we broke up . he's my best friend after all and we're so close but i know the difference and snybody didn't need to be so judgemental.. in the end, i know the difference between me liking someone and me being somebodies best friend.. and i do start to have different feeling for him after i ended my relationship.

See you in chapter III huney.. i'm going to tell your stories with your ex's, and our oh-so-weird start of our relationship :D

Love Story,

gerbera_iris

A Very Old Story Chapter I

This was an old story, a very old Story that started about 4 years a go..i write this for me so that i can remind myself how lucky i am and so i don't forget what we've been through.. Yes this is about me and him :p
There's this song that i just heard and it remind me of us..

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed 
Jason Mraz - Lucky

I life and breath those lyrics for the past (almost) two years.. no one hardly ever read my blog besides my boyfriend so this is one also for my 2 years anniversary gift.. hmm not a gift actually just a story..

it started about four and a half years ago when I'm in my 4th semester, he (my future boyfriend :p) got the same exact schedule as me.. first impression "damn, this guy is kinda hot" hehehehe mind you i didn't have the same class with my (ex) boyfriend at that time, so no harm in looking for some eye candy right? hehehehehe but in all fairness, he was just really an eye candy at that time, no deep feeling at all. i am a loyal girlfriend until the very end believe it or not. Anyway nothing really happen in 4th semester, after a while i'm just using him to get good grades in database lab (it works :D). 5th semester in the other hand, that's a whole different story.
at fifth semester, me, him, my (ex) boyfriend and my other friend ended up in the same class..i really don't think that anything will be different from the last semester, oh am i so wrong. we all started hanging out together and despite all the thing i thought i knew about him well let's just say i apparently create a personality for him. "simple fact : creating a personality is imagining how someone personality is when you don't really know that person" and that everybody is exactly what i did. he started to tease me in front of our other friend, and i think he push one button in me that bothered me a little so i tease him back. and for as long as i can remember our whole semester together (5 to 8), we spent it with teasing each other.. i don't know about him but i really really enjoyed it all, in a way we became friends because of it and my opinion about him drastically change..from this cool and calm guy to this annoying but friendly guy, i like the second one better :p
I don't know since when (i think the sixth or seven semester when we don't have a class together) but we started to chat online.. chatting about classes, friends, papers and after that we just started to talking about nothing, we just keep talking and talking and talking...and by that time i had a lot of problem with my (ex) boyfriend and he really get me through it..he gave me faith that my (ex) boyfriend just doing the best for me and probably just don't know how to show it.. i can't count how many times he save my relationship at that time..and i listen when he tells me about his wacky dreams (and his dreams were really really wacky and tacky lol), about his fears (some are quite funny :p), his likes, his dislike and even his past relationships. at one point we even chat from 10 PM until 4 AM, that's when the world cup i think..in time he became my best friend, i can tell him anything while we're chatting but oddly when we meet face to face and when we hang out with our friends we just back to teasing each other and no mention about our little chat the night before.
Then one day it hit me..this guy is my best friend in college, a friend that i can tell everything even something serious and we can still joke about it.. many many times we started chat about my relationship problem with me mopping around all sad and depressed and at the end of our chat he can cheer me up whether he did it by making a joke about my problem, give me advice or even just listening to me blabbering.. don't get me wrong, once or twice he messed up with unappropriate joke but that's what friends do right? and he really can be a very very annoying guy :p
i remember this one time i had a huge fight with my (ex) boyfriend, so huge that i cried in my office. so i called him and asked him can he get online cause i really needed a friend.. and ofcourse no more than 10 minutes he's online. what i don't know is that he had to go to a warnet to be online :p he is such a good friend.
Anyway, one of the things that makes me want to do my thesis with him is so that i can keep being his friend..i am so insecure about that friends thingy.. i ask him probably a dozen times "will we still be friend if we already in work?", "you wont forget me as your friend right?", etc hehehehe he always tell me that just let it flow..friends are friends oh and his signature "iyeee gue temen lo..ngapain si nanya kaya gituan mulu" .. i am not good at keeping frends so i really wanna protect the one i had. especially the one who can understand my corkyness :p and that 8th semester (thesis) really had a lot of good and bad memory.. as usual i always fight with my (ex) boyfriend and at night i always tell him all my problem in YM.. this happen almost every day but he can be so annoying when he didn't do his job in the thesis sometimes or when he do something irresponsible that makes me just want to strangled him hehehhe but in the end we just have a laugh about it.
see why i so afraid to lose this friend? cause i already think him as my best friend, this guy who in front of him i don't need to be "jaim" or watch my manner or afraid to said something wrong that will make him mad. a best friend who knows all my deepest darkest secret and i mean darkessttt :D
then this thing happen..this thing on my Sidang Skripsi..after we finish and waiting for the announcement about our grades, he is so worry cause he did a couple mistakes and i really try to cheer him up even if he didn't notice it. when they tell us our grade ( i got an A and he got a B ) i so look him with this dagger stabbing eye "I TOLD YOU SO, you don't need to worry.." and then we celebrate with congratulate each other in that exam room. and as we stepped out the room, our friends already waiting to congratulate the 3 of us.. and..he kinda hug me..not that real hug, a side hug.. his left hand just suddenly hug my shoulder and this moment just stop..you know when everything around you became so slow and your heart just stop..thats exactly what happen injust about 3 or 4 seconds hug but that really affect me..and then he just casually pat my head and then go on to our other friends.. after that i'm just thingking am i the only one who feel that slow motion happen? dear God I really am getting a little bit crazy hehehe ( owwhh this slow motion doesn't happen often to me.. i only remember 2 or 3 and this is one of them. i dont think you know the other one sweety :p)
well .. i'm going to continue another time in the part II LOL..oh i didn't cheat from my (ex) boyfriend after all this nor did i have a deep feeling for my future boyfriend in case anybody wondering :p

by the way, you asked me why i wanted to get married..
i haven't answered it but i will huney..soon :p

Lucky,

gerbera_iris