Oh good God..

I thought I'm that strong.. I can't...
gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®

Grateful..

I've read my post this past month and I seem so ungrateful..

I really do thankful for my new job, even though my status hasn't been cleared yet but I do have good days there and considering I probably will stay there for the long haul, I should make myself comfortable.. So Please don't get tired hearing me complain how I hate my job ya huney, it's just me being weird :p

And for the love of my life.. I don't know how many times I thank God for sending you into my life.. For the love you teach me.. For the weirdness you show me.. For your spoliations that sometimes annoyed me :p.. For the lesson you gave me.. For all your lecture so I can stand tall and be a strong girl.. Yes I am sometimes So tired waiting for your 'decision' but I am still going to be here to support you.. Am I making sense sweety ;p ?

Do you know how lucky we are sweety.. Well according to me we are, cause like what monica said to chandler 'how often that your best friend turns out to be your soulmate' or is it chandler who said that? Hehehe oh well :p

Thanks for spoiling me last week sweety.. maybe you did spoiled me everyday without me noticing (that means you should spoiled me more with hugs and kisses !!!!! Headache)

All and all I am so thankful for my life and I do hope I can get married ( at last I said the M word LOL) next year but the truth is that is all up to God (and my boyfriend :p) so I can only pray pray and pray..

With love,

gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®

Babble babble babble

My reality..my dream..my worst fear..my hope..my love.. That's what I'm thingking when you see me kinda daze off or daydreaming or look mellow.. So sorry if I don't tell you but all I'm thingking is the same thing that we already talk about and it had no ending and we can't agree on it so you can only let me do that from time to time cause I don't even know what to do.. I'm really babbling :p
Love you so much sweety pie..
gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®

random complaints..

I don't have the right to complain.. But God I'm so tired and really really hoping God get me through everything.. My problem is not as hard as other people I know especially when my blessing is bigger.. But I do need to. Get this out of my chest.. my hair is falling rapidly because of this..

I remember when work is a happy place to be.. I also remember when work,even if the job is so dreadful,I still don't mind going to the office.... Now my status is still unclear.. I haven't got my full paycheck for 5 months.. And yesterday I got a complain for the way I dress.. Cause a group of people think I didn't dress appropriate enough for work.. But instead talking to my boss, they just report me to a judge there.. The judge doesn't even know me which actually mean she never see me dress inappropriately.. But now I don't know what she think.. It hurts me cause that one day I didn't dress good enough for them and they just ruin my name because of that one day.. I really just wanna cry in my boyfriend arms.. But apparently i've got another reason to do that..

this june suppose to mean something to me.. my future with him..our future.. that's gone down the drain.. and now i just gave up, i ask him to figure this out by himself.. i can't wait forever..i cannot even wait for 2 years.. if he want to marry me next year, he had to make his decision this year or else he have to find a much younger bride that can wait for him. i really love him so much but i don't want to wait another 2 years to get married just because yesterday reason.. this pride and dignity thing.. god i just can't think about this anymore without crying..

gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®

It's not suppose to be this hard :(

It's not suppose to be this hard to go to work in the morning isn't it? I should have enjoy going to work or waking up to go to work right? Or am I asking too much? Do I whine too much? I enjoyed worked the last time when my paycheck was smaller, not that I don't have any complaint but at least I didn't feel like this every single day...*sigh*

gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®

........

Maybe it' just the expression that you don't wanna tell me even when you're joking that's bothering me :( I'm sorry if I'm wrong really I do.. It's just bothering me *sigh*

gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®

Share a little something..

My friend just said that it just took a moment to create a lifetime of memory.. And that is so true! I've got those few moment actually. When that happen I sometimes share it in my blog except a couple of thing like my trip to bali with him which I'm to lazy to continue writing :p
But there's this one moment that will definitely be a special memory. It's his cousin wedding and at the almost end of the reception I'm just standing in the back watching the bride, and he came up from behind and call my name.. After that he gave me a flower, a single pink gerbera flower that he took from the reception table. And like a fool I just take the flower and make a joke about it hehehe maybe that's why he rarely do this romantic thing to me.. Cause I joke about it :p I didn't mean too really, it's just sometimes I'm really speechless after he did something romantic..
This is one of those rare moments that my boyfriend did something romantic without me giving a hint that I need something romantic hahaha and I don't know if all this really happen the why I told it just now or It happen but I romantizing (this is not even a word LoL) it more in my head? Well I don't care!! At least I have this memory :) thanks sweetheart..

gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®

I think I act kinda selfish today.. I know I'm not suppose to just take without giving but you know me hun, After work I just desperately need your hugs and little kisses so tommorow doesn't feel that bad.. But today I'm the one who supposed to gave you all of that, I'm the one who suppose to make you feel better.. I think I'll do better next time ;)

•• I was born to tell you I love you ••
- secondhand serenade

gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®

Freakin tired again..

It's almost 5 months.. Shouldn't I suppose to love my work by now? But why is it every time I imagine going to work the next morning just freakin devastated me... My job? Anybody can do it, it's not like I have to be there so the job will get done.. No, I'm not that important, my work is not that important and most of all, my presence doesn't effect that much.. I know I feel the same thing in my first job about 2 and a half years a go but it just lasted like a month and then I got this responsibility and a good friends. No back stabbing, no arrogance and no potty mouth.. When will I say 'God I'm glad I work here!!' .. When you hate your job for 4 freakin months, isn't it time to quit? But that just giving up and I won't give up.. I can hate it but I try to enjoy it at least.. Just wish I can share it with somebody who feel the same way but without acting overrated or bad mouthing some person or even just listen to a person opinion and then give yours nicely no need to yell at each other all the time.. Dear God I'm tired..... Thank God for a boyfriend right? (Thanks for before sweety....)


gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®

Song of the day!

....Superhuman

Weak, I have been crying and crying for weeks.
How'd I survive when I can barely speak,barely eat on my knees.

But that's the moment you came to me,
I don't know what your love has done to me.
Think im invincible I see through the me I used to be.

You've changed my whole life, don't know what you're doing to me with your love.
I'm feeling all superhuman you did that to me, a superhuman heart beats in me,
nothing can stop me here with you.
Superhuman..
I feel so superhuman

Strong, since i've been flying and righting the wrongs.
Feels almost like i've had it all along, I can see tomorrow.

Where every problem is gone because I flew everywhere with love inside of me.
It's unbeliveble to see how love can set me free.

You've changed my whole life, don't know what you're doing to me with your love.
I'm feeling all superhuman you did that to me, a superhuman heart beats in me,
nothing can stop me here with you.
Superhuman..
I feel so superhuman

It's not a bird, not a plane, it's my heart and it's going gone away.
My only weekness is you, only reason is you, every minute with you
I feel like I can do, anything..
Going,going i'm gone away, in love.

You've changed my whole life, don't know what you're doing to me with your love.
I'm feeling all superhuman you did that to me, a superhuman heart beats in me,
nothing can stop me here with you.
Superhuman..
- chris brown feat keri hilson

I really really dislike the guy person who sing this song but I really really love this, remind me of that special someone :-* .. So that's the it song for this week, next month I probably will get a new one :p anyway I feel like I want to make something with this song.. I have one ongoing project that involved it but my ongoing can last forever LOL

gerbera_iris at BlackBerry®